Apparently I can't do anything right because whenever I try it just makes things worse. Maybe it's because I'm wicked stressed out. Or maybe it's because I have too much on my mind. Or maybe it's because my entire life is changing. Or something else. Or a combination of all four. I don't know what it is. But whatever it is is destroying my life. I'm finding it hard to smile again. I find that my temper is much shorter and I can get upset very easily. Not just angry upset, but sad upset too. I don't know what to do. Me and my boyfriend never used to fight and now in one week we've had two fights. I don't know how to handle fights. I doubt anyone does. But I don't know how to move on from fights. It's always been end a fight is to just walk away and bury it under the rug. But I've done that before and it just makes every fight worse because everything under the rug keeps piling up until it spills out. I'm used to yelling and being cussed at. I'm used to being in fear that my relationship will end after every fight. And I still have that fear. I trust my boyfriend with everything I have and I love him more than I've ever loved someone. I know he's the one, I know it. But I still have that fear and it won't go away. And I don't want to tell him because he might think I'm not confident in us working and that I want to end it. But I don't. That's the exact opposite. I want it to keep going, I do. I just don't know how to handle fights.

I move tomorrow so my entire life is literally changing. I have a new place to get used to, not only including the place but also the things around it. I have no idea what shops are around or where anything is. All my friends and family are further away. Everything is further away and I'm scared. I feel like I'm giving everything up just to live with my boyfriend and maybe that's why I'm arguing with him. Maybe I want him to give up a little more so it can compare to the stress and pain I'm going through. That's a horrible thing to wish upon someone you love though. I can't wish pain upon him but I wish he could understand at least. I'm doing everything for him. I don't know how to do it myself.

I just wish I had more control over myself. I wish I could hold onto my temper. I wish I could word things better. I wish I didn't start arguments. I wish I could be better. I wish I could be a better girlfriend and I wish I could be a better person in general. I'm lost and I need help and I don't know who to ask to help me out. I feel like I'm losing everything and the only thing I can do is cry.